Been listening to podcasts at work (Oh dear, I’m turning into one of those), but a recent posit about success from The WIP Podcast got me in a feelings mood.
On The WIP Pod, there was a lot of discussion around goal setting and, a new idea that I hadn’t come across, moving goal posts. This, quite frankly, terrifies me.
I think part (most) of it is me being extraordinarily hard on myself. The other is sitting in a books community where it feels like everyone is ahead. Not even having book deals, just having projects finished. Even with fairly actionable resolutions, I’ve been harangued by this visceral feeling of having to down-size my goals. It feels like wanting to go into my creative 2018 on easy mode. It’s a really unfair way to view the fact that I’m full-time employed and I’m trying to hold it all in, because, hey, I’m not the only one balancing full-time work with wanting to write.
And I think the worst part is that I beat myself up so hard for being whiny. Probably because I am in a transitory space and I dislike it a ton.
In the traditional sense, I am so successful. I have a master’s and a job now. So, in that respect, I’m doing great. Creatively, I can’t even get my own story right, so that’s a weird complicated feeling that we’re going to ignore until the rewrite is done.
I think once I hit the milestone of finishing this rewrite of thieves, I will feel a lot better. It’s just getting there that has my head spinning in both good and bad ways.
But hey. I don’t hate it.
Song of the Week: “Eine Kleine -Kagerou Project PV- ♥ English Cover【rachie】アイネクライネ” by Kenshi Yonezu (2016)
Actively Reading: The Secret History by Donna Tartt (2004)
I hope you know that you’re not alone in this, Jo! If you ever need to talk to someone, you know I’m here for you. It’s difficult to be hard on oneself when we expect–and want–so much of ourselves, but at the same time, be too hard to the point that you can’t achieve, in a healthy way, what you want to, and then you’ll spiral into depression and self-doubt. Take a breath, remember that you got this and then take it day by day.
You got this!